Parental Burnout: What to Do If You Feel Overwhelmed as a Parent
/
By: Lindsay Taylor PhD
Last year, an article in the New York Times described "The Relentlessness of Modern Parenting." That word struck me at the time and has stuck with me ever since. Speaking as a mom of two, the expectations and pressures weighing on parents can indeed feel relentless.
It's not enough to keep our children clothed and fed, get them to school, and take the occasional family vacation. Parents today should provide optimal nutrition from birth and ensure that kids have the best educational opportunities. We're told to enroll them in sports, extracurriculars, and tutoring to give them a competitive edge for college, then we're obliged to volunteer as assistant coach, snack mom, and classroom parent. By the way, you're already saving money for college, right?
Don't forget, we're also in charge of arranging playdates, monitoring screen time, and searching Pinterest for unique birthday party ideas and fun hijinks for the Elf on the Shelf.
No wonder parents are succumbing to burnout.
What is Parental Burnout?
For academics, the term parental burnout has a specific meaning. In 2018, Belgian researchers developed the Parental Burnout Assessment, which comprises four factors:
Exhaustion, e.g., "I feel completely run down by my role as a parent."
Contrast with previous parental self, e.g., "I don't think I'm the good father/mother that I used to be to my child(ren)."
Feeling fed up, e.g., "I feel like I can't take any more as a parent."
Emotional distancing from one's children, e.g., "I'm no longer able to show my child(ren) how much I love them."
By this definition, burnout is more than just stress, worry, or fatigue, which all parents experience sometimes. It's a deep, deep weariness that drains your ability to parent effectively, leaving you empty and unable to connect to your kids. Left unchecked, it can lead to parental neglect and violence. Burnout also correlates with depression, sleep disturbances, and addictive behaviors, though it's unclear if burnout causes those issues or vice versa.
